Online Meetings: The Last Outpost of Desperation for the Single

IRC, Facebook, Myspace, you name it we all know at least one couple who've met online in some shape or form. What was once considered a taboo occurrence and generally pooh-poohed by the conservative masses has fast become a 21st century norm. I too am guilty of wasting countless voyeuristic hours poring over the online profiles of the egotists and social retards who pollute the many online shelters for the socially inept. People who for some reason think that anyone actually gives a shit that their favourite smell is "mom's cooking" or that we just might want to see photos of their cool new hairdo taken from every conceivable angle.

Yes, there is definitely something strangely addictive about this kind of voyeuristic invasion however in all my years of internet stalking not once did I even mildy entertain the notion of actually orchestrating a real life meet and greet with one of these online community whores. No siree, I'm far too proud to admit that my people skills are in such dire need of assistance that I actually have to resort to such extreme measures as internet socialising just to get my dick licked on a Friday night. My tried and trusted combo of wreckless alcohol consumption and verbal assault has worked just fine for me so far thank you very much!

But having said that no longer can I point the cold, hard finger of judgment at such behaviour as amidst the musty haze of one particularly hungover Saturday afternoon I broke a personal rule and sold my soul to Myspace. I too joined the ranks of the comment junkies and quickly developed an insatiable hunger for meaningless, virtual banter. It wasn't long before I had broken yet another personal rule and was engaging in lengthly online repartee with a perfect stranger.

I discovered her profile through a mutual friend and we quickly struck up a pseudo-friendship. Nothing more than harmless virtual pleasures at first but then one day it happened - the inevitable real life meet and greet invitation. Despite all prior disgust for that type of sad behaviour I am not ashamed to say that I was actually keen; a keeness that belied the reality I would face - the bravado and charisma once afforded by internet anonymity now replaced with a curt coyness. After countless cancelled meet-ups, run arounds and gratuitous displays of ambiguous behaviour I have finally resigned myself to the fact that what happens online should stay online.

Yes, yes I'm sure for all the numerous failures there are a few sucess stories that read like the script of the latest Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan romcom smash but I'll take my chances with the roulette wheel of drink and rejection over the torturously lame world of online hook-ups any day. Forget Myspace! Forget Facebook! Forget the internet! Drink a bottle of Jack and let's revive the endangered art of confrontation!