10 things I hate about The Dirty Skirts

The Dirty Skirts are hands down unequivocally the worst thing to ever emerge from the SA music scene so far besides possibly Freshly Ground. Just take one look at ol' big nose in the pink pinstripe and funny glasses and tell me you don't wanna slap that face till your hand falls off.

The brainchild of pretentious designer turned pretentious muso Jeremy "the tollie" de Tolly they form the perfect soundtrack to a day in the life of your Vida e-loitering, Kloof Street-lurking, Fiction-frequenting, Mac-loving trendoid fuckface and it just so happens they opitomise everything I despise about Cape Town life.

1) It's wrong to hit a guy with glasses. Unless the glasses are whacky, then it's practically prerequisite.

2) This guy's entire look, right down to the room temperature IQ facial expression, is lifted directly from that un-funny doos Corne. He must be preparing for a future career as Corne's stunt double just in case the band doesn't make the big time. Smart move.

3) Why is this guy covering up his right eye? Was he doing a visual acuity test when the photo was taken?

4) Oh right, he's doing it because he suffers from the same droopy eye syndrome that plagues hooker fucker Hugh Grant. Perhaps a pair of whacky shades are the order of the day?

5) Contrary to this guy's belief sporting a red leather jacket as made famous by washed-up celebrity paedophile Michael Jackson doesn't make you look thrilling, it does however make you look like a washed-up celebrity paedophile.

6) Jeremy wears these beauts because they make him look ironically cool. In a twist of double irony he really just looks like a sad douche trying to look ironically cool.

7) Only one thing could possibly make your cookie-cutter indie rock clone of a band even less original - a tie. Well what do you know, there it is. Way to go idiot.

8) According to an interview in blunt magazine this clever looking fella's band duties include not only drums but fashion as well. It must be in the same FHM magazines that he reads to stay abreast with the world of fashion that he learnt about the manscaping technique of waxing his monobrow.

9) Sucking on fags is all part and parcel of playing in a rock band.

10) I don't know what this is but I'm pretty sure it's the button from his skinny fit jeans that popped off from the strain of being a whole 15 sizes too small.