What self-respecting heterosexual male spends longer than a few seconds "doing" their hair in the morning? None, that's what kind. To faff with matters of the mane is a pastime best left to the fairer sex and if you beg to differ then I'm here to tell you that you're gay. I hate guys who style their hair almost as much as I hate premature balders who insist on gelling the shit out of their rapidly thinning mop leaving a wispy mess on their head that resembles a mange ridden dog caught in a rainstorm. Sorry to break it to you Fabio but in case you hadn't noticed when you looked in the mirror, the patchy wet look is not sexy. I could make a better hairstyle just by gelling the hairs on my ass.
Buddhists shave their heads in the belief that hair breeds vanity. One only has to look at the hair harvesting habits of a certain SA rock band to know they're right... damn right in fact. If you keep your finger on the pulse of the Cape Town music scene then you'll know who I'm talking about. They're the androgynous clowns in the spray on jeans looking like they raided their mothers' wardrobes during a powercut. Never before has this country seen such crimes against hair since a young grot named PJ Powers hit the scene. These wannabe bad boys care just enough to make it look like they don't really care at all but one can't help but wonder if maybe they have a little sugar in their gas tanks if you know what I mean.
Fags night out
Gel, mousse, straightener, hairspray, relaxant, style wax, polishing milk - the only "product" that touches this hair of mine is tap water. Even as a hairdresser frequenting youth I dreaded the inevitable question, "how do you wear your hair?". A question to which surely the only logical response could be, "on my head". If you're a male "wearing" your hair in any other fashion than that then you probably need to get a life a little more than you need to get a haircut. Hair: it's on your head, now get over it.
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