Show me a man with a musical instrument in his hand and I'll show you at least 50 females who would remove their left kidney with a rusty spoon just for the chance to check the contents of his boxers. Since the day that a young Elvis Presley first quivered his pelvis onto our stereos or a sweaty-faced Chuck Berry twanged the opening chords to 'Johnny B. Goode' the sound of that forbidden rock music has served as nothing less than audio panty stripper. An aphrodisiac so powerful it's been known to induce ovulation in woman certifiably infertile.
However as with all good things there are those who choose to take it beyond the realms of moderation. Anyone who has attended a live music event is familiar with these perverted purveyors of performer preoccupation affectionately known as groupies. A myriad of horny "superfans" who stalk the stage, tarted up to the nines they gather like some sort of band communion giddy at the chance to ride the rock 'n rollercoaster and cash-in their 15 minutes of fame by association... or should that be fornication?
Three's a crowd but four's an orgy!
You see the mind of the groupie is a dark and twisted place, their quest not being one of a romantic nature but rather they live to worship and idolise at the feet of the unattainable. Their highly focused strain of OCD having gone unchecked for years has now warped into something a lot more pathological, the origins of which can surely be traced to their formative adolescent years. No longer able to quench their insatiable lust for celebrity skin with the less than impressive selection of teen zines stocked by their local newsagent they turned their diseasesd obsessing to the forbidden fruits of SA music's finest; a more readily available alternative to the hollow smiles and blank stares of the 2D paper rockers that pollute their bedroom walls.
To the general public they are nothing more than harmless flighty twits out to chase the high of the next big thing but to those who have felt the lockjaw grip of a fanatical groupie it's second only to unanaesthetised root canal. So keep them pants on boys lest you too fall prey to these bunny boiling bitches from hell.
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